Does it get any better than this ???

Oh my goodness!!! Does it get any better than this??? Let's see where do I start???
Last Friday afternoon my mom was rushed to our local hospital. She had been in bed sick as a dog since Tuesday but had refused to call her doctor or go to the hospital. Every time my dad would come over and tell me that she is worse I would tell him that she will go when she is ready. He couldn't understand how I could stay so calm about it. I figured getting upset was not going to change anything. So every night I would pray for the Lord to work his magic on my mom to help her see that she need to seek medical attention. Well finally Friday morning the Lord gave my mother the strength she needed to be able to get out of bed an into the shower, this is what was preventing her from going to the hospital to begin with, she needed a shower. Well, long story short, they took her in for emergency surgery. She had 5 hernias obstructing her small intestines. They said had she waited one more day she would have died!!! DIED!!!! Here I am the one with cancer and my mom came closer to death that day than me!!!
So now I am running back and forth to the hospital to see her and talking with the doctors because my dad is not understanding a word they are saying to him. I am taking care of my 2 little guys and that Monday I was scheduled for a PET/CT scan, Tuesday I was scheduled to discuss the results of my colonscopy from the previous Monday and Thursday I see my Orthopedic surgeon. Well it's now 10:46 Wednesday night and I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. My oldest guy Zachery is now sick, today is my mom's 70th Birthday and she is still in the hospital. Me and the boys were supposed to go and see her and we were not able to do that due to Zachery having a 102.6 fever. My friend Bryce Brown is not doing well at all and I was praying for him while I was driving and there was a telephone repair truck in front of me and he had one of those "cherry picker bucket" things on the back and the rest of the back of the truck was all open and all this crap came flying out and hitting my car. Coffe cups, boxes and then out of no where a circuar saw blade hurling right at the passenger side of my windshield, I veered off the road and it dinged of the top of my car and then into the grass. The truck moved oner into the right lane and I flagged to him to pull over. We both got out and I had tears running down my face. He asked if I was okay and I told him that I had been praying for my friend Bryce Brown who has cancer and all this crap started flying out of the back of your truck. He was such a sweet guy he felt horrible and said it wasn't his normal truck and the guy that the truck belongs to never cleans up after himself. He jumped into the back of the truck and said "Crap the saw blade is gone!!!" I said yea it just about killed me. He jumped back down and asked if there was anything he could do for me I told him there was 2 things he could do. He put his hand on my arm and said anything just tell me. I said first when you get back to work you must tell all of your co workers to NEVER EVER leave anything in the back of their trucks again!!!!NOT even a coffee cup!!!And second you must pray for my friend Bryce Brown!!! He said absolutely I will. He again said how sorry he was and as he climbed back into his truck he yelled "Hey Lady I hope your friend Bryce Brown is going to be okay but I promise I will pray for him" I said thanks and left.
So for tonight....Does it get any better than this?????
Let's review...
I came very close to loosing my mom this past week..
I came within inches of loosing my life, or at the very least half of my windshield....
I met a complete stranger who is right now praying for my friend Bryce Brown...
Does it get any better than this????

Oh and my inspiration behind fighting this disease and having this blog...
check out the picture at the top...

Melasuckanoma really SUCKS

I have to say I don't really bitch to awfully much about having this disease but lately I am getting sick of having it. Monday I had the pleasure of having a colonoscopy and I am still not feeling quite myself yet. Monday I am scheduled for a PET/CT where I get to drink Barium before the 3 hour test and I am not able to eat or drink for 6 hours prior to having the test. Then the next day I have to be at the hospital at 9 am sharp to see the doctor that did the colonoscopy because he said that it was important that he talks to me. Okay so that doesn't worry me at all right?? Then I have to see the Pulmunologist because my chest xray showed a bulge in the right lung and I have had this wicked cough that has gotten worse since April and I am having a hard time breathing. My Sed Rate has been sky high and I can't keep anything in me and I am dropping weight like crazy which is the only thing that is not bothering me right now. I have a ton of scrapping jobs on my plate right now, craft fairs coming up and I realy don't have time to be laid up with tests and doctors appointments. It seems like this stupid disease always messes up things around this time of year for me!!! Always when I have a chance to make some money so that for one year I can actually make Christmas happen for my kids without having to rely on the people from my church making it happen for them. Just once I would like to be the one putting the smiles on their cute little faces. Today Nathan had an accident in his pants because I was in the bathroom going potty and he started crying. I told him that I was not mad at him and that I just needed him to take his shoes off so I could change his pants but he got mad and said it was my fault that he peed his pants. Lately him and Zachery seem to be blaming everything that goes wrong on me. I guess because they hear their dad blaming everything on me so they figure they should blame everything on me too. I started crying when Nathan blamed peeing in his pants on me. I felt like what next??? What will they blame on me next??? I already carry on my shoulders that if either one of them end up with this horrible disease that it will be because of me so what next???? My mom blames me for me having Melanoma, I blame me for having it, my kids blame me for everything that goes wrong in their little lives everyday, my husband blames me for our failed marriage, I blame myself for my failed life so what next????? About the only thing I feel like I can ever do right is minister to others in their time of need that's it...so I guess that's what's next.....
Peace and love to all...

A day I thought I would NEVER see!!!!

Zachery started Kindergarten this past Tuesday and it had to be THE HAPPIEST day in my life!!! Why you ask??? Well because we all thought that I would not live long enough to see this day happen!!! While all the other mom's were sobbing and weeping as their little tykes walked away from them down the hallways with their teachers, their went my Zachery waving to me and blowing me kisses saying "Bye mommy" I love you mommy" I see you later mommy" and I waved back to him blowing him kisses and replied back with "Zach watch where you are going buddy" ( he never watches where he is walking), anyway, I walked out of the building so proud of my little boy and so proud of myself. I am so proud of myself for starring straight into the face of Melanoma and fighting it. I had a 4%chance of living a year and that was back in 2003 and here it is....September 2007 and I am still here ALIVE AND STRONG!!!!! TAKING CARE OF MY TWO BOYS AND STILL FIGHTING!!!! I am so inspired by my new friend Bryce Brown who has been given a 1% chance of beating this disease. I have become great friends with both him and his darling wife Tammy and I love them both dearly. I pray for them everyday and I know in my heart that the Lord is not done using this man!!!

WHY ARE THERE CRUEL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD ???

This is my big question for everyone to ponder. Having cancer is no picnic. Having Melanoma whether you have Stage I or Stage IV is a living hell and yet there are those people out there that feel the need to judge me and other that have this awful disease !!! I guess because I have the luxury of NOT looking like I have cancer I deserve the ridicule and "ANON" emails and posts made on message boards that I am making up that I have this disease. It is really sad that people just don't try to educate themselves on this disease instead of saying hurtful and awful things to me and all the others that suffer and die everyday from this disease.

My very first post to all of you

Wow I have only recently considered myself a survivor of Melanoma but I guess in a way we are all survivors if we are still here fighting this disease. These past few weeks have been so hard for me. I am still waiting on the second staining pathology report to come back on my tongue biopsy and I still have that very annoying tingling feeling where the tip use to be. The doctor says I may always have that. I guess it could be worse though hugh?? My biggest struggle with this disease though is seeing others passing from it on the MPIP board. A few years ago I befriended a wonderful girl named Michelle Caldwell. We met through the board and while Jay and I were in the Lancaster area one weekend Michelle and her husband met up with us for lunch on a Saturday afternoon. We hit it off and continued to stay in touch. Michelle and I were both stage 4'ers and knew what each was going through. We talked on the phone all the time. Then there came a time when Michelle wasn't doing well at all and Gregg, her husband, wanted to fly her to another hospital but she wasn't stable enough to make the flight. I packed my bags I jumped in my car and drove to Lancaster to be with my friend Michelle. When I got there I met Michelle's family for the first time. Her brother her twin sisters her aunt her grandparents and there sat Gregg, rubbing Michelle's head and kissing her hand over and over and over again and telling her "I Love you". When I walked in the room Greg jumped up and said to Michelle "Look Michelle, I told she would make it here, Christine is here" Michelle looked at me and with the little strength she had left she smiled and said to me " You didn't have to come all the way here but I am glad you did. Sorry I look so bad" I love you for coming" I told my friend that I wouldn't have it any other way and that I loved her too. That was the last time Michelle was able to speak to me. I stayed by her bedside for the next 5 days never leaving except to go to the bathroom and to get a deli platter for her faily so they could eat. I made sure they all went home at night and I stayed up with her. I wanted to make sure they all got some rest. I convinced Gregg that it was time to just let Michelle go and they she was just not strong enough to make the flight. The doctors had said that there was a great risk that she would die in transit and none of us wanted to see that happen. It took 4 days for a bed to be available in the hospice house. The morning they were getting ready to transport her, her aunt asked if I would assist her in giving Michelle a bath and I did. That had to be the hardest thing I have ever done. I saw first hand what this horrible disease does to a persons body towards the end and let me tell you it's not pretty. After that I got the entire family together. We stood in a circle around Michelle hand in hand and hands on Michelle and I lead us all in pray. At the end we each took a turn saying a pray for Michelle and when we all said AMEN together we turned around and there was the transport crew. Once we got her settled at hospice I had my time with Michelle told her how much I loved her how much I was going to miss her and how sorry I was that she had this disease. Said my goodbye's to her said my good bye's to her family and took my 3 hour drive home in the same clothes I started out in 5 days prior. It's been a long journey for me since then. These past few weeks have been the hardest for me though. There have been quite a few on the board that I have been following and I get upset when I see them decline and some have passed on and I struggle with why do I get to continue to dodge the bullet???? I cry almost everyday about it. I am not saying that I should be the one to die here and I am not saying that they should be the one to die either I guess I am saying that this disease just SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! When I was at my Melanoma Doctor's office last week and I was talking to the nurse Rosa, who I just love, I told her how I was feeling. Rose reminded me of everything I have been through with all the complications with the high dose IL-2, all of the major surgeries I have had, how sick I have been. She reminded me that this has not been a walk in the park for me and that I should not feel guilty. I guess that's what it is I feel guilty that I am here still living and they are not and it just doesn't seem fair......